That Night

He’s holding the ceramic plate in his hand above his head. The plate which was part of a gift to him for walking down the aisle with my mother. They held hands and grinned from ear to ear and promised to love each other till the end. Lies, all lies. The rage in his eyes was obvious, I, an eleven year old knew how this would end. Her screams are all I heard all night long echoing from one end of the kitchen to the other. Her voice filled with hate and disgust. I heard pain drip from her lips in every syllable.  I lift myself  get out of bed, trailing behind me on the ground was my black oversized silk nightgown. As black as this night was going to become. I tremble as I approach closer to where they are. Their voices growing louder with each step.

 

I rest myself on the big yellow couch next to the kitchen. The couch which once carried a happy family of 5 all laughing and smiling together. I ran into the arms of my father while he sat on the couch. My mother played with his hair and called out to my other two sisters. The two lovers looked at each other with happiness, a perfect family. My mind relocated to reality again and was flooded with loud screams and shrieks.

 

A sudden ear piercing shatter spreads throughout throughout the whole house and tiny pieces of colored glass or ceramic slide on the tile ground from under the door which leads to the kitchen. My body shivers and goes into a catatonic mode. I am paralyzed. I try to move my legs but my body doesn’t respond. It takes minutes for me to recollect myself and I drag my feet behind me towards the kitchen. Before I have even reached the door, it slams open and my dad storms out trailing little droplets of blood behind him. His sweat was dripping from his forehead and his beard onto his grey shirt which has now become more of a disastrous black light black color. My mom darts comes running out behind him yelling and screaming for him to listen to her. The years of pain and self loathing is almost visible as it gushes out of her mouth. She stops walking and just bends over to her knees. Her tears trickle down her cheeks connecting all the freckles on her face with wet stains, and down her neck and to the floor. She grabs her hair with her hands and jerks at it vigorously, thin brown strands of hair fall to the ground. Her pale blue veins glare at me from her wrists.  She lifts herself up and stares right at me. “Come here, we are going to talk. As a family.” Her words ringing in my head. A family.

 

My dad sat on the arm of the couch and called for all of us to come to the living room, his ungroomed beard covered his foolish grin. My mom stood by him and held his hand softly. My two sisters and I sat on the couch in front of them, we wore matching pajamas with monkeys and our hair was drawn into loose ponytails. “We have 3 different places we want to go to vacation, we want your advice.” The uncontrollable happiness bursted from our mouths and we screamed in excitement. I had a strange feeling tonight’s screams weren’t going to be the same. I slowly walk towards my unstable mother. Her eyes are bloodshot and she looks miserable. I hold her hand and support her weight until we reach her bedroom where my dad had stormed in and locked the door. Knocking carefully I stand outside of the room until he opens the door. I walk in with my mom behind me and they shut the door. Suddenly noise. Noise everywhere, from every direction.

 

Questions shot from each angle. My head is becoming heavy. Make the decision now. Tell me what you want. Who do you want more? Your sisters are too young to be asked this. You need to answer. I close my eyes and shut my mind. I don't want this, I don’t want you. My heart is racing, I run towards the door of the room and make my way to the front door of our house. Decisions. My trembling legs barely support me but I push anyways. Decisions. The fear grows in my heart. Decisions. I don’t know where I am going, but I am running. Decisions. And for this split second in my life I had made a decision that I would live without their anger.